Our writer
reports from the frontiers of his fertile imagination with superb attention to
detail and amusing historical facts.
(This is an imaginary article from this series by Robert Fisk in The Independent inspired by this article in particular)
As I got in
the car, a 1962 Mercedes built in the same factory where my father had once
fought the German army in 1917, the driver smiled and nodded wisely, as all
taxi drivers in the Middle East do when they’re driving a foreign journalist around. Ahead lay a deceptively empty stretch of road that my imagination
quickly filled with the mental image of Sargon II’s soldiers marching along,
primarily to illustrate my excellent knowledge of history.
The man
back at the hotel had warned me about the false tranquillity of this part of
Aleppo that I was about to visit. He only identified himself as ‘the raven’,
but something told me that I must trust this man dressed strangely in an Abayya
made of black feathers despite the searing heat. I have stopped long ago
questioning those mysterious men I encounter while reporting, and so too have my
editors.
The raven
sipped his black tea, sweetened with spoonfuls of the local cane sugar that was
first processed when the Persians ruled this part of the Fertile Crescent, then
looked at me with his piercing eyes that looked more menacing above his long
beak. ‘Ask for Abu Mohomed, he will talk to you.’ He said Mohamed, but I have
this habit of misspelling Arab names. When I left, the raven had disappeared.
If it weren’t for the black feather on the floor, I would have thought he was a
mirage.
Back on the
road, the driver slowed then took a turn between two huge rocks that resembled
a lion about to brush its teeth. As he sped past, I glimpsed a 7-year old child
in a green and white T-shirt being hurried along by his worried mother and her
brother in law’s cousin who had recently come back from Canada. Troubling
times.
Inexplicably,
in this paragraph I am suddenly transported to a room that the army is using as
a temporary operations room. On the wall, above a wedding portrait of the
previous occupiers, who now run a falafel shop in Brighton, hang a large map of
the city. The commander, a 35-year old major from Tartus who liked fishing in
his spare time, described to me what they were doing there. I quickly lost interest
as I was more interested in dramatic anecdotes. Also, he was speaking to me in
Russian which I didn’t understand.
The soldiers
outside talked to me more openly. They had interrupted the football game they
were playing with empty B67 ammunition bags. The goal was a makeshift target
between two T-72 tanks which for some reason I must mention in all my articles.
One told me about the giant leaping Chechen fighters that he had come across
only three days ago, but I sternly told him that it’s my job to make things up,
not his. Instead, I asked him to tell me about his fiancée and his plans to
open an internet cafe when the war was over.
When I
finally made it to Abu Mohomed’s hideout that afternoon, the sun was hanging
low in the sky, its golden disk reminiscent of the famous necklace that the
Emperor Aurelian had presented to Zenobia the Queen of Palmyra, before taking
her in chains to Rome. Have we not learned anything in the Middle East?
Abu Mohomed
gave me a different story to the one the Major Simba (I know, I’m the only one
who meets people with such names in the Middle East) had narrated. Something about
the need for political change but my mind drifted as I observed the partially collapsed
gateway that had stood intact for 743 years. The stones of Syria can tell its
stories better than most men. Later, as Abu Mohomed bid me farewell, I asked
about the raven. He looked alarmed as he told me that the raven died six months
ago.
As usual, I
will end with a completely irrelevant question that has nothing to do with the
rest of the article and that leaves you even more baffled. Could it be that the
current conflict is the logical outcome of Allenby’s reluctance to engage the
local chieftains? Did King Faisal make a fatal mistake in that summer of 1932? What
is really the point of those open-ended questions? Could they be a useful way to
imply that I am world-weary and have seen too much?
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By the way, Fisk's father fought in World War I not World War II.
ReplyDeletethanks, corrected now.
DeleteLOl!! You talented freak!!
ReplyDeletehaha, thank you!
DeleteWhat?! Where's the part about how it's all Israel's fault??
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDeleteYou spoke my mind..
I too was awaiting the Israel references. I guess the author, unlike Robert Fisk, isn't foolish or brave enough to risk being castigated as an anti-semite by frothing american zionists. Funny though.
ReplyDeleteVery well written and extremely funny :)
ReplyDeletebrilliant!
ReplyDeleteWonderful. You got the essential right - for decades, whatever subject Fisk appears to address, it's about him.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteHilarious!! You talented fox from the tahrir?! :) Loved the brilliant humor, but Fisk (though u got his "1917 dad's war and too much irrelevant" insertions) is one of the few journalists, who witnessed [and never stopped reminding us of being deafened] a lot of the Middle East. He reported to the West what the mainstream does not hear, and is well protected from! The "LOL!" you defo get, but the credit you better get for shooting at the real fox!
ReplyDeleteI don't know Mr Fisk, but I think he'd like it.
ReplyDeleteI like Robert Fisk's columns, but still like this - very well done.
ReplyDeleteexcellent! the powerr of irony. It's masterpiece, light in all its lenght, but with some think thought lingering in one's mind. Some parts are really FUNNY. Thanks, continue like this! fc
ReplyDeleteWonderful, although i have not seen Lord Blair
ReplyDeleteJaw-achingly entertaining. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteDid the 7-year old's green and white T-shirt have a Western brand on it like Adidas or Nike? Or maybe it was a football team t-shirt?
ReplyDelete