The Angry Arab Interviews Himself About Syria

The Angry Arab has been conducting a series of interviews with journalists and analysts about the situation in Syria for a while now, asking questions that you would never see in the ‘mainstream media’ as he calls it. He had promised to interview himself at the end of the series, and we are lucky that he decided to allow us to publish this remarkable interview which sheds so much light on one of the most unusual Arab writers and commentators around today. It also gives a unique insight into the situation in Syria unlike anything you might read anywhere else. Here goes:

AA: It’s quite unusual for an analyst to interview themselves, don’t you think it’s a bit pretentious?

AA: You’re one to talk.


AA: Ha, ha, good point, let’s get down to the interview then. What in your opinion is happening in Syria?

AA: I have talked a lot about this, and I would have expected you to start by asking me a more rigorous questions but you obviously haven’t done your homework.

AA: That is unfair…

AA: Don’t interrupt me.

AA: Ok, sorry. So what is happening in Syria?

AA: Bandar bin Sultan.

AA: Can you elaborate?

AA: Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz Al Saud

AA: I see. You wouldn’t get AlJazeera or AlArabiya telling you this, but I think we both know that.

AA: Indeed. How is the conflict likely to be resolved?

AA: I thought I was the one asking the questions.

AA: Sorry. Please go ahead.

AA: How is the conflict likely to be resolved?

AA: This will ultimately end in a best case scenario for the Zionist entity, and in fact all the details have been decided a long time ago. My sources tell me that even the location of the Zionist embassy in Damascus has been decided and a Syrian businessman will offer it to them free of charge. Thanks Laila.

AA: Astounding. This is the first time I hear this. So the uprising was engineered by outside forces to create a situation that is favourable to the Zionist entity.

AA: Bashshar was never a real enemy of Israel but…

AA: Why do you insist on spelling it like that when everyone spells it Bashar?

AA: This is a more accurate transliteration from Arabic.

AA: Is it better to spell it hashshishsh then not hashish?

AA: That is the correct way.

AA: Fascinating. It’s always a learning experience with you. So what about the role of the Western mainstream media which as we both know is one homogeneous body and there’s no point talking about specific newspapers or writers?

AA: Of course, the Western mainstream media is the propaganda arm of Western governments and we saw this from day one in Syria.

AA: And what about the Western journalists that are reporting from the ground in Syria? Sometimes it sounds like you think you know better than them?

AA: My observation of the events on the ground isn’t polluted by proximity like most of them.

AA: Some of your critics have attacked your attitude of assuming the high moral ground and making judgments from afar.

AA: Does an astronomer need to go to Mars to tell you about Mars?

AA: Devastating reply. So there’s a conspiracy involving the West, Gulf countries, the Zionist entity and ordinary Syrians?

AA: It is not a conspiracy, I don’t believe in conspiracies as everyone knows. They are declaring it in public. And those are not ordinary Syrians, they are takfeeri traitors.

AA: Can you explain what a takfeeri is for non-Arabic speakers?

AA: Takfeeries are people that denounce others who don’t think and behave according to what they think is right.

AA: So a bit like you calling people who disagree with you traitors and agents of Zionism?

AA: Nobody would believe that I asked myself such a questions, you’re pushing it.

AA: true. Ignore that, I stepped out of character. What do you think of the Syrian opposition?

AA: They are lousy traitors, liars and murderers. And the Western media bends over backwards to accommodate their lies and deceptions. And Western governments have given them a carte blanche to destroy Syria.

AA: This is the type of rich analysis that people like to get from you. Why is this kind of honesty so rare?

AA: Most analysts are too pedantic, they are concerned with factual truths as opposed to inherent emotional truths. This is a product of the skewed Western imperial hegemonic model of thinking with its neurotic obsession with empiricism and ‘facts’. I have broken free from those chains of accuracy. I speak a deeper level of truth that people feel is right.

AA: And that’s why we are all addicted to reading your stuff. What do you think of the secular moderates in the Syrian “revolution”?

AA: What secular moderates? Have you looked at their photographs, with their beards and jihadi T-shirts? I have been saying for months that they are all Salafis and Trotskyists. I have always hated Trotsky, with his pretentious little glasses and bourgeois lifestyle. The man is so irritating. And you should say “”revolution”” for emphasis.

AA: What has this series of interviews taught you? Some people said that you weren’t asking questions in as much as making statements, what do you respond to that?

AA: I am not Larry King, there’s a skill to asking the question in a certain way to get the answer you want if you’re trying to expose propaganda. I indicated at the beginning of every interview whether I liked the interview or not, based on whether they agreed with my view on Syria or not. What I learned at the end is that I was right all along.

AA: Fascinating stuff. Any other thoughts?

AA: We need wrap up, I have an appointment in five minutes.

AA: Me too. This was great, thank you very much. Don’t forget to pick up some eggplants for dinner tonight.

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